STRESS-BUSTERS IN OFFICE!

So, you are a working professional! Deadlines! Meetings! Appraisals! All seem to conspire against you to cause the dreadful disease called STRESS! Whereas there is no escape from this situation (unless of course if you quit your job; but that in itself is a much bigger stress!), there are ways to help tackle these problems.

Here are ten stress-buster tips to help you fight this problem while in office:

1. Clean up your work station

There isn’t a more engrossing activity than this. De-clutter your drawer, organise your files or archive your emails. Whatever be it, at the end of the session you certainly would have forgotten what bothered you so much that you started doing this. And, you get organised just by the way!

2. Share a status update on social networking sites

Share a status update on facebook or orkut. Check what others in your friends’ list are up to. Check your personal & forwarded emails. This freshens your mind and gets your jaw muscles exercised too! Forward them to your other friends & make them laugh too.

3. Have a coffee / snack-break

Just go to the vending machine and serve yourself a cup of caffeine. Healthier still, go munch a few biscuits or nuts!

4. Gossip

What a way to de-stress! Find out a couple of more stressed-out colleagues and get gossiping or cribbing about that insensitive boss or the new secy in office!

5. Take a walk

When really stressed out and want to get away from the office atmosphere. Go out in the lobby or walk down the staircase and breathe some fresh air!

6. Stand up & stretch your aching muscles

If you are fighting deadlines and do not have the luxury of time to de-stress, just stand-up and stretch out! Do some simple neck & back exercises. Take off your eyes from the laptop and just relax. You’ll be surprised to see the effect of these two minutes of stretching out! If however you have time, hit the gym (in case your office has one).

7. Read the news or bollywood gossip on the internet

When else will you fulfill your social obligation towards the media and the entertainment industry. After all they work so hard to cover ‘breaking news’ for us all the time! Else, simply browse the cyber space.

8. Play solitaire / minesweeper / clickomania

Why else were these games invented and installed in your computers? Play on!

9. Call up your spouse / friend / kid / parents

Good time to pick up the phone and talk to your family and friends. Ensuring optimum utilisation of office resources is your moral responsibility!

10. Plan for the weekend

Plan an exciting weekend. Book a movie or concert ticket. Or a road trip to an outstation destination for a weekend getaway! You’ll find yourself excited throughout the week!

(You may reach the author at richasinha22@gmail.com).

What’s it about being INDIAN OUTSIDE INDIA!

I belong to a world where half my bloodline and friends are either settled outside of India or wish they were! I have seen crazy people around me who are obsessed with the thought of living outside India. And yes, Dubai, Singapore, Bangkok, New Zealand, Canada, UK, USA all qualify equally well. I guess it’s just Bhutan and Nepal that are denied the honour of being considered phoren by an average Indian. I have known a lady who would marry anything in pants if it held an American greencard! Another friend, submissive, docile, very Indian(!) in many matters, got married to an NRI. The boy knew India as much as she did Timbactu! But, she was excited; after all it was a boy from the phoren land.

Now, this was one part of the story. Switch to the next category of Indians who have finally succeeded in crossing the borders. Now these are people I find ‘confused’for the most part. You too would. Just read on… They seem not to know where they belong. They want to live outside India but in India! Didn’t get it? Let me explain… These people go abroad to study, to work. The accent and the rolling tongues come in two weeks sharp. They enjoy the initial phorenisation. When back in India during visits, these people love telling the lesser mortal Resident Indians stories of advancements in their lands. They wouldn’t tire of telling you they get twenty varieties of cheese and thirty types of breads!

Let us now set these people back in their phoren homes and see how things are. They want to live outside India, but there they will try and locate a South-Hall or a mini-India to live in so they could have Indian neighbours. And, I thought these were the very Indian neighbours you hated when in India! They would have never visited a temple in India, but would certainly know of all the temples and gurudwaras in London or Manhattan. And, they would insist on taking you there while you visit them!

They would want to live abroad, but would hunt for Indians on all possible networking sites for friendship. ‘Indians in London’, ‘Indians in NYC’, 'Indian Community of Singapore' are just some such thriving sites! In colleges or workplaces too trust them to find Indians or close south Asians to bond with.

They would swear by cheese, but would secretly buy Amul butter from an Indian grocery store. They would love to love ham and steak but would dine at that Indian restaurant five blocks from their apartment. Hail ‘Chaddha Aunty’s Parantha  corner’! Whatever happened to the varieties of cheese and breads? They would make fun of their mums and grannies in India about how they could waste their time making sweets and stuff at home during festivals, but would themselves download recipes of malpua and gujiya from sanjeevkapoor.com and tarladalal.com!

When in India they would argue endlessly on why one cannot wear jeans or western clothes to a wedding; but once abroad they would not mind decking up in that heavily embellished saree or that chikan kurta-pajama even for a birthday party at an Indian household. They would give lectures to their mothers on how customs and traditions like karva-chauth and teej are archaic and should be done away with; but once in the phoren land, find themselves buying mp3’s of bhajans and gayatri mantras.

These are people who profess literary liking for Shakespeare but deep down enjoy reading Chetan Bhagat and Anurag Sinha. These are people who have spent hours and wads of money in salons trying to get that peaches and cream complexion, but once abroad, they go on beach vacations to get a tan.

These are people who would read about Marxism here but once on the other side of the Indian border would find a course on Buddhism or Indian History or better still Indian Politics to enroll for. These are people who preach globalization when in India and Indian-ness the moment they step out. They speak in English when in India, but when abroad, ‘the rule of the house is to converse in Hindi’ (or whatever the native language)! In India, these people enjoy arguing about embracing the foreign culture but glibly become resident authorities on the Indian culture in the phoren land.  These are people who have always wanted to belong to the phoren land, but get jittery when they see their kids do the same.


When here, they swear by Tom Cruise and Pierce Brosnan, but when outside, Ranbir Kapoor suddenly becomes a hottie! It is Abba and Boyzone in India, but Kishore and Lata rule the roost in foreign lands. http://www.google.co.in/#q=kishore+kumar+lata+mangeshkar+hits&hl=en&prmd=vo&source=univ&tbs=vid:1&tbo=u&ei=92lNTITvJ8S0rAf-moW5Dg&sa=X&oi=video_result_group&ct=title&resnum=10&ved=0CEwQqwQwCQ&fp=b8b746ecdd338f54.

Hilarious? Weird? Worrisome? Comical? The question to ask here is… why does this happen. Is it because they want to belong to a different race all the time? It is quite frankly and oddly just the opposite. This is all because here is a breed of the Indian populace that does not know how to belong! When in India they could not belong to India. When outside, they still could not belong! The key is to learn to feel comfortable in your skin, to learn to feel secure of your identity both in India and outside of it. Realize, acknowledge that you are an Indian. Respect your roots. Only then will you be able to branch out under different skies, though still firmly held onto your soil!

(To the lesser sporting of the 50% of my friends & family, who might relate to a couple of things written here and feel offended, here's an anticipatory apology! You may reach the author at richasinha22@gmail.com).

RICH GETTING PRETTIER, POOR UGLIER!

With beauty products and treatments swamping the market, beauty is no longer a matter of luck and fate. Gone are the days when beauty was considered God’s gift to a privileged clique. Thanks to medical and cosmetic evolution, all one needs is a good doctor and all facial and bodily imperfections can belong to a long forgotten past!

Beauty services that span the spectrum from Botox injections to hair highlights are more than just a passing fancy. The beauty business is experiencing a thunderous boom globally. With celebrities getting more and more vocal about going under the knife, such things are catching the public attention widely.

The only hitch seems the price attached to these services that leaves it only to the rich to enjoy them. With tags ranging from six to seven digits, it seems beauty enhancement has become the prerogative of the rich. And, with all the money at its disposal, the affluent echelon of the society is leaving no stone unturned in buying that flawless peaches and cream complexion of Snow White or tresses of Rapunzel! Be it Pam’s bosom or Cindy’s mole or Julia’s smile… just about everything can be made yours! And, it is not just women, as the perceived notion might lead you to believe, but men alike who are getting bought by this concept of enhancing such visuals.

Now here comes the trend analysis…

What this is amusingly leading to is a polarized society where the rich (and therefore good-looking) men and women are getting wed-locked to produce gorgeous children; creating an envious posterity. The left-over destitute (poor and therefore average-looking) unfortunately have no option but to inbreed and create a genetic pool of mediocre looks and worth. An interesting by-product of such a trend would be that over a couple of generations, the rich would get prettier… and the poor uglier!

So, very interestingly, where it all began as a Rich Vs Poor society, it has ultimately turned into a Pretty Vs Ugly battleground! The rich-poor divide that we are currently fighting against is not here for long to stay. The world shall soon move towards a different divide. Well, who could have imagined such a face of civilization!

PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL - HR's Lethal Weapon!

“Performance Appraisal” the term, every corporate citizen dreads. Come the year-end and you get to witness this corporate imbroglio. The only buzz one hears in offices is appraisals and related jargons. It is this time of the year, when a Human Resources (HR) person rises to glory in the eyes of the lesser mortal employees. This is the time when HR has all the right in the world to get its cotton-picking fingers and sagacious comments anywhere and everywhere under the garb of doing value-addition to the exercise in spot!

I have been part of this corporate populace for the last seven years now. And, what an integral part I have been. I am an HR professional who has been trustingly responsible for the Performance Management system in my current as well as some earlier assignments. It is interesting how we coin so many different terms to mean the same thing essentially... Performance Management, Performance Development, Performance Appraisal, Employee Development, Employee Engagement and so on... And, trust an HR person to add to your perplexity by explaining to you how all these terms mean different things! It actually would not be wrong to say that if you could not become an English Professor, you certainly could land up a career as an HR professional.

As an HR person, there is so much hype we create around this exercise. Posters, slogans, danglers, flyers, e-mailers, coaching and pre-appraisal sessions… The more innovative you get in creating this hype, the brighter are the chances that your own appraisal rating is well secured! The more complicated (read ‘comprehensive’) the combination of objective and subjective assessment tools that can be dreamt of and be confusingly put on paper; the better your Appraisal system is considered to be!

Quite frankly though, despite the admiration these Appraisal Formats magnetize from the management, it is quite a nightmare to fill in those pages. There is after all a limit to all the crap you could feed it with. Very interestingly, these Appraisal exercises, more than anything else, are also quite a test of your memory… because after a point, it is not what you write but how much you write that earn you brownie points! Sitting in December, who remembers what they were doing way back in January, a whole year ago? So, if your own memory of what you did a year ago is fuzzy, it is unfair to expect your boss to remember even a wee bit of your accomplishments. He after all, has his own performance stories to remember and write about in his appraisal form. So, the more you can remember and write, the higher are the chances those would be rated! So, in this battle between quality and quantity, very often the latter wins! I really feel they must start teaching Appraisal writing in B-schools! This after all requires a great deal of tact; not a tyro’s job by any means.

As HR, we preach … work diligently the whole year round and you would not need to be wary of this exercise.
We know… no matter how much you work the whole year, it is your performance in the last two months that is going to decide your rating!
Deeper still we admit… no matter how much you have worked, it is your perception in the boss’s mind that’s going to seal your rating!

For those of you who shamelessly want to belong to the third group of employees, here’s some bit of advice. The latest one doing the rounds (and showing great results) is to invest some time (and money) in pursuing your boss’s bizarre hobbies and pursuits like say – attending past-life regression therapies (like your boss) or enrolling in a vocational certification program (like your boss) or joining his favourite sports-club. And, trust me you are not going to regret this currency hemorrhage when you will gradually see it getting exponentially covered up with the increment and bonus that you receive during appraisals!

The D-day finally arrives. Appraisal results are announced, putting to rest all speculations. The next day, when the year that has passed has fully gone by and the hope for the year ahead gets cautiously adumbrated, paving way for yet another year, yet another cycle of Appraisals! What a journey, and such an engaging one at that! In a year of 12 months, there is atleast this 1 month that the organisation pays you for doing nothing! An HR person however might want to paraphrase this… in a year of 12 months, it is atleast this 1 month that you work and earn for the rest of the year!!

Jokes apart, such systems are crucial for the health of an organisation and an HR professional. How else can you ensure bread & butter and cakes & pizzas at the latter’s household!

After spending years within the system, I seriously feel that one can speak on and on about the competence of an HR person and it would still not be enough. They so cleverly create situations to make-feel their relevance in the system. For instance, under the garb of creating a transparent system, HR creates an atmosphere of invidious comparisons amongst employees and then sharply gets into a redeemer mode to resolve such conflict management issues! Such glib oscillations between a stormy petrel and a rescuer certainly require great talent.

So, here’s saluting the spirit of an HR professional! Hail HR!!


All opinions expressed here are deliberately satirical, intended only to tickle your funny bone. These donot reflect the author’s true personal feelings and opinions. - It is but important that I add this tag here… to ensure my future years of existence in the HR fraternity!

JAMALPUR - beauty of a small town!

As I start on a journey of putting my thoughts into words & sharing them with you, it is just befitting that I start from the very beginning. The beginning of me!

I hail from a small town in Bihar (India) called Jamalpur. And, I wouldn’t blame it on you for not having heard of it earlier. I would start with describing it for you as the most beautiful town ever, picturesque, full with its share of hills, lakes & waterfalls. It is best known for hosting India's first & the largest Railway workshop. It also boasts of churning out in its foothills, the most revered Special Class Railway Apprentices, better understood as the Indian Railways’ top brass, its mighty officers. Thanks to the Railways, Jamalpur has always had a very cosmopolitan feel.

Everything about this town is special… where on the one hand it has that oh-so rustic feel, on the other, its people display such broad-mindedness that could put into shells many of our metropolitan-denizens. It is a town as self-sufficient as could be. After having widely traveled the length & breadth of the country, I still maintain that I have not seen a school as mighty as Notre Dame Academy. This school has some of the greatest teachers who everyday play a very crucial role in churning out an enviable alumni list! You could say I am biased, but I say I have been fortunate to have spent my school years in this wonderful institution. And, I say so after having studied in some of the finest & highly prestigious colleges later in life. Alumni of this school have stormed the world & excelled beyond narration!

Everything about this place, small and big is special. The tinned Workshop boundary with long entwined black pipes welcome you as your train enters Jamalpur Junction. The majestic spread of the Workshop can leave great architects spellbound. As you enter this small town, be ready to appreciate the warmth that its people & buildings have to offer. The Kali pahaad defines the skyline of the town. Climb up and you get to see the Water Works and the ancient Kali temple. Come monsoon and the sparkling waterfalls would be ready to wash down the hills.

No description of this town is complete without mentioning the very famous Golf Ground. I could even go on to say (& not get challenged) that no kid in this Railway township would have attained puberty without having tried a hand at golf. Or swimming. Or tennis. Or billiards. The Officers’ Club has all of these and much more within a 10-minute walking distance; things you would end up spending a couple of grands & traveling tens of kilometers in a city like Delhi or Mumbai or Bangalore. Right from the years of British slavery, people of Jamalpur have been interested in sports & we do have those white men to thank for establishing the JSA Ground (stadium). Not to forget the Gymkhana, the Railway Institute & the Central Institute (CI) all of which gave cultural entertainment an all new scope & definition. The pandal at Children’s Park during Durga Puja would become the hub of all action, boasting of the Who’s Who of Jamalpur & nearby towns.

Jamalpur is also known for some exquisite delicacies. Who would have sampled anywhere else on this planet, Mughlai Parantha the way Cooking House and Madras Coffee House prepared it & served so uniquely with a South Indian sambhar! And, that chicken curry at Hotel Yatrik, would leave behind preparations by the greatest of chefs in our star hotels.

Move a few kilometers ahead and you would reach Munger, Jamalpur’s twin town. The Bihar School of Yoga, established as the headquarters of the International Yoga Fellowship has catapulted this town onto the world map. The Ganga flows serenely through this mystical town, washing away all sins & sorrows, which is why it is aptly called the Kashtharni. This town is also said to have great historical and mythological significance as being ruled by Karna during Mahabharata. The Fort ruins are still an indication of the might it would have commanded centuries earlier.

Having spent half my life in Jamalpur, I migrated to Delhi to fulfill my professional dreams. Today, when I visit my hometown, it embraces me with the same warmth as it did when I was younger. It feels great to fly the world with wings of freedom, but I never forget that my roots are still very firmly planted in the soils of Jamalpur!

(You may reach the author at richasinha22@gmail.com).