“Performance Appraisal” the term, every corporate citizen dreads. Come the year-end and you get to witness this corporate imbroglio. The only buzz one hears in offices is appraisals and related jargons. It is this time of the year, when a Human Resources (HR) person rises to glory in the eyes of the lesser mortal employees. This is the time when HR has all the right in the world to get its cotton-picking fingers and sagacious comments anywhere and everywhere under the garb of doing value-addition to the exercise in spot!
I have been part of this corporate populace for the last seven years now. And, what an integral part I have been. I am an HR professional who has been trustingly responsible for the Performance Management system in my current as well as some earlier assignments. It is interesting how we coin so many different terms to mean the same thing essentially... Performance Management, Performance Development, Performance Appraisal, Employee Development, Employee Engagement and so on... And, trust an HR person to add to your perplexity by explaining to you how all these terms mean different things! It actually would not be wrong to say that if you could not become an English Professor, you certainly could land up a career as an HR professional.
As an HR person, there is so much hype we create around this exercise. Posters, slogans, danglers, flyers, e-mailers, coaching and pre-appraisal sessions… The more innovative you get in creating this hype, the brighter are the chances that your own appraisal rating is well secured! The more complicated (read ‘comprehensive’) the combination of objective and subjective assessment tools that can be dreamt of and be confusingly put on paper; the better your Appraisal system is considered to be!
Quite frankly though, despite the admiration these Appraisal Formats magnetize from the management, it is quite a nightmare to fill in those pages. There is after all a limit to all the crap you could feed it with. Very interestingly, these Appraisal exercises, more than anything else, are also quite a test of your memory… because after a point, it is not what you write but how much you write that earn you brownie points! Sitting in December, who remembers what they were doing way back in January, a whole year ago? So, if your own memory of what you did a year ago is fuzzy, it is unfair to expect your boss to remember even a wee bit of your accomplishments. He after all, has his own performance stories to remember and write about in his appraisal form. So, the more you can remember and write, the higher are the chances those would be rated! So, in this battle between quality and quantity, very often the latter wins! I really feel they must start teaching Appraisal writing in B-schools! This after all requires a great deal of tact; not a tyro’s job by any means.
As HR, we preach … work diligently the whole year round and you would not need to be wary of this exercise.
We know… no matter how much you work the whole year, it is your performance in the last two months that is going to decide your rating!
Deeper still we admit… no matter how much you have worked, it is your perception in the boss’s mind that’s going to seal your rating!
For those of you who shamelessly want to belong to the third group of employees, here’s some bit of advice. The latest one doing the rounds (and showing great results) is to invest some time (and money) in pursuing your boss’s bizarre hobbies and pursuits like say – attending past-life regression therapies (like your boss) or enrolling in a vocational certification program (like your boss) or joining his favourite sports-club. And, trust me you are not going to regret this currency hemorrhage when you will gradually see it getting exponentially covered up with the increment and bonus that you receive during appraisals!
The D-day finally arrives. Appraisal results are announced, putting to rest all speculations. The next day, when the year that has passed has fully gone by and the hope for the year ahead gets cautiously adumbrated, paving way for yet another year, yet another cycle of Appraisals! What a journey, and such an engaging one at that! In a year of 12 months, there is atleast this 1 month that the organisation pays you for doing nothing! An HR person however might want to paraphrase this… in a year of 12 months, it is atleast this 1 month that you work and earn for the rest of the year!!
Jokes apart, such systems are crucial for the health of an organisation and an HR professional. How else can you ensure bread & butter and cakes & pizzas at the latter’s household!
After spending years within the system, I seriously feel that one can speak on and on about the competence of an HR person and it would still not be enough. They so cleverly create situations to make-feel their relevance in the system. For instance, under the garb of creating a transparent system, HR creates an atmosphere of invidious comparisons amongst employees and then sharply gets into a redeemer mode to resolve such conflict management issues! Such glib oscillations between a stormy petrel and a rescuer certainly require great talent.
So, here’s saluting the spirit of an HR professional! Hail HR!!
All opinions expressed here are deliberately satirical, intended only to tickle your funny bone. These donot reflect the author’s true personal feelings and opinions. - It is but important that I add this tag here… to ensure my future years of existence in the HR fraternity!
I have been part of this corporate populace for the last seven years now. And, what an integral part I have been. I am an HR professional who has been trustingly responsible for the Performance Management system in my current as well as some earlier assignments. It is interesting how we coin so many different terms to mean the same thing essentially... Performance Management, Performance Development, Performance Appraisal, Employee Development, Employee Engagement and so on... And, trust an HR person to add to your perplexity by explaining to you how all these terms mean different things! It actually would not be wrong to say that if you could not become an English Professor, you certainly could land up a career as an HR professional.
As an HR person, there is so much hype we create around this exercise. Posters, slogans, danglers, flyers, e-mailers, coaching and pre-appraisal sessions… The more innovative you get in creating this hype, the brighter are the chances that your own appraisal rating is well secured! The more complicated (read ‘comprehensive’) the combination of objective and subjective assessment tools that can be dreamt of and be confusingly put on paper; the better your Appraisal system is considered to be!
Quite frankly though, despite the admiration these Appraisal Formats magnetize from the management, it is quite a nightmare to fill in those pages. There is after all a limit to all the crap you could feed it with. Very interestingly, these Appraisal exercises, more than anything else, are also quite a test of your memory… because after a point, it is not what you write but how much you write that earn you brownie points! Sitting in December, who remembers what they were doing way back in January, a whole year ago? So, if your own memory of what you did a year ago is fuzzy, it is unfair to expect your boss to remember even a wee bit of your accomplishments. He after all, has his own performance stories to remember and write about in his appraisal form. So, the more you can remember and write, the higher are the chances those would be rated! So, in this battle between quality and quantity, very often the latter wins! I really feel they must start teaching Appraisal writing in B-schools! This after all requires a great deal of tact; not a tyro’s job by any means.
As HR, we preach … work diligently the whole year round and you would not need to be wary of this exercise.
We know… no matter how much you work the whole year, it is your performance in the last two months that is going to decide your rating!
Deeper still we admit… no matter how much you have worked, it is your perception in the boss’s mind that’s going to seal your rating!
For those of you who shamelessly want to belong to the third group of employees, here’s some bit of advice. The latest one doing the rounds (and showing great results) is to invest some time (and money) in pursuing your boss’s bizarre hobbies and pursuits like say – attending past-life regression therapies (like your boss) or enrolling in a vocational certification program (like your boss) or joining his favourite sports-club. And, trust me you are not going to regret this currency hemorrhage when you will gradually see it getting exponentially covered up with the increment and bonus that you receive during appraisals!
The D-day finally arrives. Appraisal results are announced, putting to rest all speculations. The next day, when the year that has passed has fully gone by and the hope for the year ahead gets cautiously adumbrated, paving way for yet another year, yet another cycle of Appraisals! What a journey, and such an engaging one at that! In a year of 12 months, there is atleast this 1 month that the organisation pays you for doing nothing! An HR person however might want to paraphrase this… in a year of 12 months, it is atleast this 1 month that you work and earn for the rest of the year!!
Jokes apart, such systems are crucial for the health of an organisation and an HR professional. How else can you ensure bread & butter and cakes & pizzas at the latter’s household!
After spending years within the system, I seriously feel that one can speak on and on about the competence of an HR person and it would still not be enough. They so cleverly create situations to make-feel their relevance in the system. For instance, under the garb of creating a transparent system, HR creates an atmosphere of invidious comparisons amongst employees and then sharply gets into a redeemer mode to resolve such conflict management issues! Such glib oscillations between a stormy petrel and a rescuer certainly require great talent.
So, here’s saluting the spirit of an HR professional! Hail HR!!
All opinions expressed here are deliberately satirical, intended only to tickle your funny bone. These donot reflect the author’s true personal feelings and opinions. - It is but important that I add this tag here… to ensure my future years of existence in the HR fraternity!
Reminds me ..I have to complete all Appraisals over the weekend..Hopefully, this year there will be compensation benefits too.
ReplyDelete